Chapter 525: Tango Dance in the Crematorium

"Brother Huang, I heard a rumor, it's really weird.
It's so weird it sounds like it was copied from some third-rate bootleg novel."
Su Hao rubbed his temples, feeling like his worldview was undergoing an 8-magnitude earthquake.
Huang Fengwen looked up from a pile of documents:
"Oh? What rumor, that makes you think it's weird?"
"It's said...it's said that in the US, our Trinity Guild's US branch seems to have recruited a newbie with an explosively high rank..."
"Ah, you mean that thing?"
Hearing Huang Fengwen's nonchalant tone, Su Hao's heart skipped a beat, a bad feeling creeping over him.
That outrageous rumor, so unbelievable it made him question reality, was probably true!
"Holy crap, Brother Huang, is that...that rumor true?!"
"Yeah, pretty much the same as what you heard."
"Holy shit, is this insane?!" Su Hao nearly flipped his desk over.
"What kind of genius came up with this crazy idea?!
What gaming guild in the world would dare to accept the President of the United States as a member?! That's absurd!"
"Shh—" Huang Fengwen made a shushing gesture.
"You're being narrow-minded, aren't you?
A president is a person too. People need to poop and pee, they have emotions and desires.
What's the difference between different classes, high and low, noble and base in a game?
In the world of data, age, position, status—those are all illusions!
As long as you have a gaming heart, all beings are equal!"
"I understand the logic, but he's still the President of the United States! The leader of the world's number one superpower!"
Su Hao felt his worldview being brutally crushed.
When the news first reached his ears, Su Hao was completely stunned. His first reaction was that he was hallucinating, or that some clueless person was making fun of him.
President Aiden, that old man who was always dozing off or forgetting his lines on international news, had actually applied to join their Trinity Guild?
It was as surreal as hearing Grandpa Wang next door announce he was going to compete in the Olympic 100-meter sprint and battle Usain Bolt to a standstill.
“Brother Huang, that old man Aiden… isn’t he almost eighty?”
“I already said, in the game, age is no problem.” Huang Fengwen waved his hand, exuding an air of otherworldly wisdom.
"What if?
What if he gets excited in the dungeon, makes a mistake, his blood pressure spikes, and he just collapses...?
Should we revive him first or loot his gear?
Is that considered a work-related injury or a major international incident?
Won't the White Building (a nickname for a game developer) say we deliberately tricked Aiden into dying?"
"Ahem... well..." Huang Fengwen seemed stumped by this tricky angle.
"Also, in this game, doing a high-difficulty raid is like taking a postgraduate entrance exam.
You have to memorize the strategy before the battle, follow commands during the battle, and there are countless details to consider.
Do you expect an eighty-year-old man who needs help walking to keep up with the pace of us animals?
Can he even tell which is a healing spell and which is a fireball?"
Su Hao's complaints came like a machine gun, every single one of them making perfect sense.
It should be noted that President Eden is already facing difficulties in politics, with rumors circulating that he is suffering from "dementia" or "senile senility".
Coupled with his political predicament as a "lame duck," the pressure is immense, and outside analysts predict his aging body is already showing signs of strain.
In this state, why would he play a massively multiplayer online game (MMORPG) that requires intense concentration, is mentally taxing, and could potentially kill a young person?
It's like dancing the tango to a crematorium—not dying fast enough, not ceremonial enough!
"What is a game? It's a second life!
It's a spiritual paradise, a refuge for the soul!
It's the only backyard where ordinary people can run wild after a grueling struggle in the concrete jungle!"
Huang Fengwen suddenly switched to a life coach mode, with the world-weariness of someone who's been there.
"That old man Aiden, just like you said, is under immense pressure, almost bursting.
He also wants to find a place to temporarily forget about national affairs and immerse himself in another world.
You're a hardcore gamer yourself, how come you've even lost that 'original passion'?"
These words left Su Hao speechless.
Indeed, games are a mental time machine for adults, a cyber sanctuary for the working class.
Here, one can temporarily unload the heavy burdens on their shoulders, forget the troubles of the world, and fully immerse themselves in another virtual world of joy and sorrow.
This is the most primal and moving charm of games.
“…”
Su Hao remained silent for a moment, suppressing the turmoil in his heart, pondering in his mind.
‘Was it really the right move to get President Aiden to join the guild?’
The thought had barely formed when his dormant intuition suddenly flashed with a brilliant light, as if saying: Listen to your older brother, you're right!
Never mind!
In the world of players, what does age and status matter? Why so many rules and regulations?
As long as we can happily grind dungeons together,
curse together, share the loot,
get brutally beaten by bosses together,
and share the joy of victory...
that's a bond forged in life-or-death situations, true brothers!
"Alright, Brother Huang, but I have a condition."
"What condition?"
"Letting him come in alone like this is too risky, like carrying a ticking time bomb into a dungeon.
What I mean is, give him a 'newbie mentor team,' providing round-the-clock 'tutoring.'"
"Mentor team?"
"Yes. After all, he's the president of the US; he'll definitely have bodyguards and a medical team on standby 24/7, so we don't need to worry about his physical safety.
But it's different in the game; he's a complete newbie.
He needs someone to guide him closely, teaching him how to walk, how to use skills, so he doesn't get gored to death by wild boars at the gate."
"Hmm...that's a good idea." Huang Fengwen nodded in agreement.
"To be honest, despite several rounds of optimization, our game is still too unfriendly to newcomers; it's basically a 'farm for seasoned veterans.'"
Since Fanghuan Investment acquired "Storm Rain" Games, they've been dedicated to transforming this classic game into a more beginner-friendly model to attract new players.
But this is much harder than they imagined.
After all, this game has accumulated too much history, and players' habits are deeply ingrained. Completely changing this is no less than a revolution.
Therefore, a massive remake project is underway, encompassing a complete overhaul of the graphics engine and a radical overhaul of the gameplay mechanics—essentially a complete redesign of the game.
“That old man Aiden, of all times, submitted his application during this critical period of transition.
So, my idea is, let's go all out from the start! Don't just send one mentor; let's assemble a whole elite mentor team!
We'll give him private lessons in the white building, one-on-one coaching at his private estate, and even VIP-level private tutoring services anytime in our M country branch's guild building!”
“Hahaha, great! I love that idea!”
A grand blueprint for a “Rookie President Development Plan” seems to have been happily finalized just like that.